The singer explained she felt she was wasting her days if she couldn’t write a song for the band and wasn’t spending time with her family, either.

Gwen Stefani

Gwen Stefani says trying to balance motherhood with her No Doubt career felt like everything was a sacrifice.

In a Nylon cover story, The Voice coach opened up about the cycle she found herself in during the early 2000s, as she was on tour for her second album, The Sweet Escape, and nursing her baby — all while taking a break from rock band No Doubt.

When she returned from the tour, during which she was also working on her fashion line, she remembers feeling “dead” just as she learned she was pregnant again — this time with her son Zuma. She told the publication she felt like the band was disappointed about the news.

“I don’t think they would say that,” she said. “No one’s going to be mad you’re having a baby. But while I was busy, they were kind of waiting.”

Stefani explained that it wasn’t that she didn’t want to get the band back together, she just felt like everything changed for her after having her second kid in two years. “There was nothing left in me. I had no ideas,” she shared. “I had so much insecurity. I felt like — help!”

Stefani said she felt like every choice she made required her to make some sort of sacrifice. If she was trying to write new songs with the band, “I would be leaving my family,” she said. “And if I didn’t come home with a song, I’d be like, ‘Oh my God, I’m such a loser — I didn’t have dinner with my family, and I didn’t write a song. I wasted an entire day of my life trying to be in No Doubt again.’”

The band ended up getting back together briefly at the time. They toured in 2009 in an effort to get inspired to write their comeback album, 2012’s Push and Shove. No Doubt will be reuniting once more at this year’s Coachella, but have no plans to work together again outside of that.

Looking back now, Stefani admitted she felt like she was trying to please everyone when she only really needed to be doing one thing: “I should have just been with my family.”